whew. just finished cleaning my cage. oh, its not a cage, because i do here what i want to,here, i feel free, its my world, only mine. In this place, I cry, i laugh, i pray and talk to God, talk to him, talk to my friends, i can make face in the mirror, talk to myself etc etc. but the thing i wanted so much to do sometimes is to shout. but i can't, or else im gonna get beheaded by my parents.   Hmmm i hope one day, i could  just shout with all my might. One day i will, in some place where its possible, and where there's no one who's gonna shot me dead.

Anyways, going back, I just finished cleaning up my room, my replica. Myself. Most of the time, when this room is all messed up, it only means, my life is all messed up as well. Today, it's clean, and everything is in place, And guess what?  I too, is in some sort of peace right now. Things are in place right now the way it's supposed to be (i guess?) uhmm right now im also trying to get through every mess in my life in place. Yes, even "mess" in life has to be in place. Come on, In life, there's no such thing as a mess.  Everything is useful, only that, it has to be understood. If you're not able to understand, and learn from it, that's only the time, it becomes a trash. In that case, i will pity you, and the trash. You just wasted each other's chance to be useful enough.

My room is kinda messy before. Because I do not throw things just like that, I do not disregard papers, researchers, old notebooks, used pens, some scratch papers, photo copies, some old projects. Because i think that, someday,somehow, they will be useful to me, though they are idle by now. But if for one instance, i realized that a  mess will be no of no use in my room in the near future, in any sense it can be,  I'm not going to think twice to throw it, It eats space for those things that i need to put in, for those things that can be of use.

I know some things in my life are just passing away, and will be gone tomorrow, or the next day. And im not only referring about things, im talking about people, experiences like pain, suffering, happiness, anger, madness, loneliness agony and etc. And yet, I am aware that these people, and emotions, stay and penetrate in my life, not because I want it, but because it’s necessary, it’s useful, and im not gonna realize that today, but in the future. I know i will

We need these emotions, we need these experiences, we need these people, we need each other, and we depend on each other. We use each other. But not selfishly(supposedly). We both need to teach and to learn. I believe that.

In life, experiences used me, taught me. Everything in life molds us. If we learn something from it, it had used us (because that's what it is for), if we are practicing what we have learned from it, we've used it.

OH! yeah, Isn't if funny that I just learned to realize what an author said about his writing: (just right now!)

"To be able to know how to let go (because he said everything in life is impermanent), we must learn how to experience it fully."

(that was by mitch albom ) I think it was kinda absurd and difficult to understand when i was reading that book that time,But right now, just right at this moment, as i was typing this one, *poof* I realized, and think that, its as if, letting these experiences use you, teach you and penetrates deeper into you, that way, you have used it, LEARN from it, and so there it goes, it follows, it has used you. After that, you can either throw it away, or keep it as your treasure because it has served it's purpose, it has used you, you were able to use it. 

Did i say you can either throw it away or keep it? Yup, there are some things that will be better off  to be thrown away after you're able to use it (it can only teach you a thing, it passed by already)....some people may find it useful too.So..let it go. But there are some things in life, you can't just let go, not because you don't want to, but because it will be Forever useful to you.

Right now, I am holding on, to what the world tells me to let go, because I do not want anything, to be thrown away just like that. And I might as well think that I am blessed enough to have this way of thinking, because I don’t want to regret someday, just like other people do, because they somehow failed to realize that things like a “trash” for them today will be no useful to them tomorrow. And so right now they find themselves trying to look for the "trash" they didn't realize they've thrown away before, and they end up regretting for the "precious" they've let go.

I said im lucky,  because i am able to realize that this “trash” could possibly be of use for me tomorrow, the next day, the next week, and that I could turn this trash into a treasure. Just like any other trash here in my room.

I will just let it go, and throw it away, if im certain, that there's no way it could possibly be useful to me, and there’s no way I could possibly be of use to it. Translation? If am certain that it's totally useless, and that if im not going to learn anything from it.

And if someday, somehow, I realized I’ve hold on for nothing, and I wasn’t able to use it, so what? At least I didn’t throw it up just like that. At least, I gave the trash, a chance to use me, a chance to be useful, and a chance to become a treasure. It was at least better than regret.

****I therefore conclude that, when I am this exhausted, I talk a lot.  ***